SO discouraged

and so tired...it has just been one bad thing after another...how much more do I have to take??
here's what they found out that I have and that I have to see a specialist for
Rheumatoid Arthritis

pain

So I had an MRI done on monday of my jaw joints...the purpose of it was so that Dr. Langan could get a clear picture of my joints in order to do an arthrocentesis (flush them and then inject them with steroids). If this works it could be a permanent solution to my pain, but after everything I've been through and how severe the pain has gotten I'm not too hopeful. Dr. Fuselier thinks my arthritis may even be an autoimmune disease..rheumatoid arthritis meaning it affects other parts of my body. I am getting bloodwork for that next week. Dr. Langan explained why I had a relapse and I finally got to understand how that happened. See, since my joints have no more cushioning between them, they have been grinding bone on bone and I have lost 1mm of bone from my joints since surgery. that in turn caused my jaw to shorten that 1mm...but when it shortens 1mm it actually causes a 3mm open bite for every 1mm loss of bone. that in turn caused a 5mm overbite. Dr. Langan said that after the arthrocentesis it will settle my joints and then he wants to do the lower jaw surgery on me to correct my open and over bite. I am in SO MUCH pain that I could sleep all day and spend my days in a drugged funk...but I can't and I won't and I get SO irritated with lazy people and people who complain of normal aches and pains. I'm 25 and in severe pain because of this but refuse to take prescription drugs because of the fact that there are a lot of addictive personalities running through my family. I am so discouraged.

It's official

I did relapse, but the surgeon is not suggesting another surgery. He thinks splint therapy will help my pain. I know this but what I kept telling him is that I can't afford a splint and that my insurance company sent me a letter saying that they will not cover it. I did cry. kind of a lot. but I went through so much to get this surgery and many times the only thing that got me through the day was the thought that this pain will be over soon. now I don't have hope. so what now? I'm 25 with completely messed up jaw joints (they have ground down to points instead of the healthy ball-and-socket joint deal) and I'm supposed to go another 50 or so years in this much pain?? how?? Sooo depressed and hopeless...but at least my doctor is taking care of making sure I get a splint.

update

So it has now been about 8 months since surgery. In dec I got my braces off and they gave me the clear retainers that look like invisalign. after a few months of wearing those, I noticed my bite getting much worse and my jaw pain worsening as well. I went to the TMJ specialist who told me I needed a splint (I expected that)...but he also noted that I had an open bite as well as a 4 mm overbite. I made an appointment to see my orthodontist to see if I could get a wire retainer (the clear retainers made me grind my teeth and made my jaw even more sore), I also thought that it might help to close my bite back down since I wouldn't have anything between my bite anymore. As soon as the orthodontist saw how bad my bite had gotten he told me to make an appointment to see the surgeon. He wouldn't tell me anything more than that even when I asked what he expected the surgeon to say. But I definitely saw him write the word "relapse" on his notes to Dr. Langan. It has been hurting pretty bad recently. I go next wednesday to find out the "treatment plan" as the orthodontist put it in his letter. There is no way I'm going back in braces. Absolutely not.
Anyways, I have a new blog now that has to do with my art if you want to check it out :)
http://anewlife84.blogspot.com/

The long awaited sinus infection

I've noticed that everyone seems to get a sinus infection 3-4 months after surgery. Mine came a little late, but it came with a vengeance. It was horrible. I thought I had pink eye, and my face ached, and there was so much snot. so much. I didn't have pink eye, the snot was just up around my eye irritating it and snot was even coming out of it! EW! Something to look forward to, everyone :-D

So the past couple of weeks have been pretty rough for me...My schedule is so full and I never have time off. The past few days though, I've had that familiar "before surgery pain" in my left jaw joint. I hadn't had much pain from that side since surgery. I had some surgery pain that kept getting better and better in my right jaw joint, but the familiar pain that caused the severe headaches and migraines had vanished. I don't know what I'll do if this pain stays...I can't take anymore of this. I've been in constant pain since I was 15 that just got worse and worse and I can't take it anymore. I also can't see spending another $2500 on splints when this surgery was supposed to fix my pain. I'm so tired. I don't want to depend on ibuprofen anymore. I'm 25 years old I shouldn't have advanced arthritis in my jaw. I know I'm not supposed to hate anyone but I really do hate the orthodontist that caused me all these problems. pray that it goes away. I can't take this.

Hey All!

I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm starting a new blog about my life from here http://anewlife84.blogspot.com/
I know how cheesy this sounds but I really am grateful for all of you guys. All of the encouragement and questions answered have been such a blessing. This whole process really is not an easy thing at all to go through and your support has kept me sane. As you might have gathered, I have been going through so much more than this surgery at the same time and I can't stress enough that your encouraging words have picked me up so many times. Thank you all so much! especially Matt, Jackie, Dana, Steph, thank you!