depressed

I just tried on a bunch of clothes and got a little depressed.  My life is on hold until the surgery, I'm sitting in a seemingly never ending waiting room.  I don't want to buy anything for myself because 1) I have no idea what my size will be after the whole thing is said and done, and 2) I feel guilty because I'm so medically expensive.  

    I've been wondering if my personality is going to change afterwards...I know how much this deformity has shaped my personality.  I am quiet, shy, and withdrawn.  Will I be different?  I am in so much pain all the time, I wonder how much that affects my personality?  All the medication I take now that hopefully will be unnecessary afterwards.  The scariest thing for me is that, right now, I have hope.  Hope that the pain will end.  What if it doesn't work?  What if the pain stays?  I want to cry just thinking that.  I'm so tired.  

I would love to hear from some that have gone through this.